It's a
paradox.
To disengage from something, to really let something go, you have to
get it so deep, you have to grok it so hard it becomes
part of who you are. Then it disappears.
Definition
disengagement
noun
from the verb
disengage
to become separated from something, or to make two things become
separate from each other
<unquote>
Recently someone close to me, someone who inspired me, left. That's
probably not the best way to say it. Yet conveying she wanted to change
the ground rules of our relationship so it would no longer have the
form it once had, it's OK to say it that way. Saying it that way is
good enough for
jazz.
I noticed disengagement ie becoming separate, letting something go had
begun regardless of whether I had a choice in the matter or not. But
there's always a choice and later, waking bolt upright at 4:00am
one morning, I saw it: I can choose disengagement coming from
transformation
rather than simply over time becoming inured to having
something once precious taken away.
Transformation
doesn't change anything. Despite our predilection that something is
only valuable if it makes us better,
transformation
doesn't.
Transformation
doesn't make anything better - neither, by the way, does it make
anything worse!
Simply put, to
recontextualize
is to enliven or re-enliven the space, the
context
in which a thing or an event occurs. Rather than having awareness just
on a thing or an event,
transformation
brings forth the space, the
context
in which that thing or event occurs.
Nothing happens "out there". There's no one out there. There's
nothing out there. There's no "out there" out there.
Everything that happens happens in the space or
context
of the experiencer ie the
Self.
In an untransformed life the illusion of out there is
pronounced. In a
transformed
life, out there is
recontextualized
as
out-here.
There is
Self.
And there is
"what happened".
That's it, and that's all.
Choice In The Matter
The sense of separating at the end of a relationship is an
illusion which dies hard. That's because separation itself is an
illusion. Survival invests in the illusion of separation. It comes to
relationship from unfulfillment looking to relationship for
fulfillment. That's a recipe for disaster right there. There's
nothing in relationship that's inherently fulfilling
aside from fulfillment we bring to it. Not bringing fulfillment
to relationship sets up relationship as entanglement. Bringing
fulfillment to relationship creates the possibility of relationship as
play.
When relationship founded on unfulfilled separateness ends, what's left
is unfulfilled separateness. When relationship is founded on fullness
brought to it, that's
transformed relationship.
When relationship like that ends, what's left is fullness and
transformation.
Even the notion of relationship grounded in
transformationending is blurry. How can something that's the
context
for everything, end?
In coming to relationship I choose coming from
transformation.
In disengaging when relationship ends I choose coming from
transformation.
I bring
transformation
to relationship.
Transformation's
what's left when relationship ends.
With disengagement I get it so deep, I grok it so hard it
becomes part of
who I am.
Then it disappears.
