When I was younger (to put that in perspective, I'm talking about
sometime / anytime before
the last weekend of August
1978)
I went looking for transformation, and I didn't find it anywhere - that
is, I didn't find it anywhere at first. And a large basis of the
disappointment of not being able to find it, was I was looking not for
transformation per se, but rather looking for what I had conceptualized
transformation to be / to look like, without realizing that's what I'd
done and was looking for.
I was looking to find a
fix,
a cure, a practice, something I could take on which would make
Life flow less obstructed while making my own life easier, a
satori, a level of "cosmic consciousness" if you
will. To be sure, there were even some times I thought / I believed I'd
found it. But those times were fleeting, temporary by nature: they came
... and they went ... their realizations dawned on me ... and they
abated. Rafts of that sort of thing happened before it
struck me there's
nothing to get
... and there's nothing to find.
When my life was swamped with the conviction that there's something to
get and / or something to find or some secret to be in on,
it was damned near impossible to entertain the idea that there's
nothing to get,
nothing to find, no secret, no nothing.
I'm sorry,
but:
enlightenment
isn't discovering what the secret is.
Enlightenment
is discovering there ain't no damned secret. This is it! And you
already got it. Now you may not like it. But you do
already got it.
It's a conundrum. It's kinda like
a Zen riddle ie a
koan
to ask: "If there's
nothing to get
/ nothing to find, then what does it mean to discover
transformation ie what does it mean to be transformed in the first
place?". I sat with that one for a while, like a hot
brick
in my lap ... and this is what I got:
One way to open some room, some space around any question,
is to stay away from the significance of meaning (as in
"... what does it mean? ...") which
traps
us asking the question in a realm of conjecture, of intellect, of
intelligence, and instead just look at how transformation manifests as
experience even if not understood: what is the
essence of transformation? and: how does this magical
nothing come on? and: what does it look like (to be
specific: what do people look like) when transformation is
present?
and: do they follow certain beliefs? and: do they engage in esoteric
rituals and practices? and: do they adhere to any defining
philosophies?
The answer to the latter three as we've already established, is no -
because being transformed requires none of the above. Instead
what could
show up
which would be patently, tangibly visible, is a certain freedom to be,
a palpable freedom to act, unencumbered (if you will) by the
epistemological
constraints and locks of the past.
When transformation
shows up
in our lives (and remember that the conundrum that when transformation
shows up
in our lives, nothingshows up
in our lives ... is perfect
Zen),
we're observably newly free to be and free to act. That's it. And
that's all. Just look. It's so clear: the essence of transformation is
hidden in plain sight.
People who've discovered their own
access
to transformation, haven't taken on a new raft of beliefs to believe or
practices to practice or philosophies to philosophize. Rather, they're
simply free to be and free to act. Free? From what? you
may ask. Free from
epistemological constraints
and locks of the past
is one immediate answer. Yet as we've said, there's a clear and
present
danger that that answer will
trap
us (imposing a meaning we'll try to understand) in the realm of
conjecture, of intellect, of intelligence. Rather the essence of
transformation, being free to be and free to act, is clear to see. It's
hidden in plain sight in the lives of people who've discovered their
own
access
to transformation. If you're such a person it's very obvious,
especially given your experience of your before (not free
to be and / or not free to act) and your experience of your
after (free to be and free to act). It's its own
Self-evident
proof (conjecture, intellect, intelligence, and understanding are not
required).