|"There are certain things you can only know by creating them for yourself." ...||quoted by Richard Feynman, Nobel Prize-winning physicist|
Telling the truth that you're playing the victim of whatever's hitting on you, is the entry point into this inquiry into what other possible ways there are to be with being hit on. There's no possibility in playing the victim, even though it's likely you'll garner a lot of agreement from many people of good will, that you're the victim. Bear in mind however, that most (if not all) of the agreement will come from those who also have no possibility of playing anything other than the victim, indeed from those who, given even the slightest insight into the possibility of not playing the victim, would reach for it with open arms.
The idea in this conversation is to look and see whether or not it's possible to not play the victim of whatever's hitting on you. If you take on freely like a choice ie like a stand, that something else is possible other than playing the victim, that's what's required to begin the process of just being with being hit on. And when you can just be with being hit on, then you've begun the process of becoming free of whatever's hitting on you.
Playing the victim cedes the power of determining what you do, to whatever's hitting on you.
Avoid what's hitting on you.
Run away from it. Hide from it. Avoid it. These are the easiest ways out, yes? But they come with a cost: the cost is they ensure it's what's hitting on you which determines your life. It's what's hitting on you which determines the actions you take to avoid being hit on. It's what's hitting on you which has the power to determine what you do. It's worse than that actually. It's that even in avoiding what's hitting on you, you're still ceding the power to determine what you do, to whatever's hitting on you, and that's a mere split-hair's breadth away from playing the victim of it.
Be careful: there's a martial arts edict which has it that the best defense is not being where the blow lands. This isn't that. There's no mastery in running away from, in hiding from, in avoiding being hit on. By avoiding it, you cede your power to whatever it is that's hitting on you. In the martial arts edict, you keep your power by not being where the blow lands. There's a world of difference between the two.
Creating the space for something to be (which is to say accepting it's there), is the token required to get in through the turnstile of being with whatever's hitting on you. It's essential to beginning the process of being free of whatever's hitting on you. You allow it to be so it allows you to be. If I can't or am unable to or am unwilling to accept what's hitting on me, then all that's available is to me is to play the victim of it, or to run away from it, or to hide from it, or to try to avoid it ie to resist it. Creating the space for it ie accepting it's there, is a requirement if I'm going to recover my power over it. Creating the space for it ie accepting it's there, begins the process of regaining mastery over whatever's hitting on me.
It's a pragmatic thing. There's no conclusive proof to be had ahead of time that creating the space for whatever's hitting on you, works. And there's no explanation for why it works either. So you can't first weigh up whether or not it's worth doing. Creating the space for it ie accepting whatever's hitting on you is there, doesn't come with any guarantees. It's one of those things you can only know by creating them for yourself. Creating the space for whatever is hitting on you to be, starts the process of regaining your power. In other words, doing it is its own proof.
Move in close to it.
You could move in close to it (I mean that both literally as well as figuratively). You could take its hand and hold it (that's both charming and disarming). You could get into a dance with it (that's unexpected). Sure, in the heat of the moment when something's hitting on you, each of these three options may seem counter-intuitive (the intuitive options are to play the victim and / or to avoid what's hitting on you ie to get as far away from it as possible). So moving in close to it, holding its hand (both literally as well as figuratively speaking), and getting into a dance with it, are game-changers.
But it's more than they're game-changers just because they bring the unexpected to the situation at hand. It's more than they're game-changers just because they bring the counter-intuitive to the situation at hand. They're game-changers because they're the next step towards recovering your power from whatever's hitting on you ie they're the next step in regaining mastery over whatever's hitting on you. They're game-changers because moving in close to whatever's hitting on you, taking its hand and holding it, and getting into a dance with it aren't the acts of a victim.
Gee! I hope you get that ...
This is a very subtle, brilliant approach (thank you Werner!): rather than trying to alleviate the circumstances in which you're being hit on, simply bring forth actions which are the epitome of not being a victim of what's hitting on you. And given the power play which is often the raison d'etre for what's hitting on you, taking actions consistent with not being its victim, is enough to regain your power over what's hitting on you. Taking actions consistent with not being the victim of what's hitting on you, also continues the momentum of regaining mastery.
of it (take full
*** SPOILER ALERT! ***: the way to regain power and mastery over whatever's hitting on you, is to become the source of it ie to take full responsibility for it.
No, this doesn't mean you take the blame for it. It's closer to say that you take on becoming the source of your experience of it ie that you take full responsibility for your experience of it - which includes taking full responsibility for being in the situation in which you're being hit on (here, "being in the situation" implies both "being physically present in the situation" as well as "experiencing the situation"). And you were there. And you did experience it. There's no blame in that. It happened.
There's no secret to becoming the source of what's hitting on you ie there's no secret to taking full responsibility for it. And if there were a secret to taking full responsibility for it, it's to not confuse being responsible for what happened, with taking the blame for what happened. You take responsibility for being there and for experiencing it. And again, you were there, and you did experience it. There's no blame in that. It's what happened. Becoming the source of what's hitting on you ie taking full responsibility for being hit on, is what allows heretofore unthinkable outcomes to become possible ie it's what allows heretofore unimaginable outcomes to become possible. This is Werner's work, the possibility of heretofore unthinkable, unimaginable outcomes becoming possible.
Now I'm clear this approach may not be for the faint hearted. However, given the choice of either being hit on, or of regaining power and mastery over whatever's hitting on us, it's an approach that's worthy of consideration. For those who've taken it on, it works. It's even worked in cases of being hit on in violent, horrific ways (see my account in the next section titled Proof By Extreme). And it certainly works in ordinary day to day situations which aren't quite so arduous.
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