"The more I
the more I realize I have more speed in me."
... Leroy Burrell,
is the companion piece to
24 / 7 / 365.
I am indebted to Carl Monroe Cheney who inspired this conversation.
"I promise: you won't recognize yourself. When you
you ... won't ... recognize ... yourself.".
That's what he told me when he first shared
with me. He was a recent
very excited, and yet calmly enthusiastic. I had a sense of what he was
talking about (which is to say I had as much of a sense of it as I
given I was
everything he was saying though my "I already know this" / "I
already know it all" filter). What perplexed me was even if
I wouldn't recognize myself, how would I know? (it was
something I'd thank him for later).
on an almost daily basis. Hardly a day would go by when he didn't say
something about it, to which I would always respond essentially the
that I already understood it (at least in my own
Then one day he innocently said something which interrupted my
erstwhile know it all knee-jerk
of responding to him, and changed all that. He shared that since he
patterned behavior in his life
Patterned behavior? Say whut? I didn't have a
clue what he was talking about ie what he meant by
"patterned behavior". What I did know was at that
I was in a
which was ending. And I noticed it was ending in a
which was similar to the
many of my other
had ended (in other
there were what I can 'fess up to as repetitive
out again, OK?). What's worse is I
I was powerless to shift the direction in which those repetitive
circumstances were careening. Were my repetitive circumstances the
result of so-called patterned behavior to which he was referring?
Was I, in some
responsible for them? I didn't know. What I did know was
suddenly, whatever it was he was talking about, I wanted it. Within the
hour I had registered myself to
My patterned behavior as I
finding out (often to my own chagrin) consists of predictable,
automatic responses which appear to embody
but which really have no inherent
at all, and in which there's no inherent
either. My patterned behavior impels me to do
the same old same
things over and over and over with
likelihood of producing anything that's new. It's more than that
actually. It's it actively restricts and inhibits the
of doing anything new - which means almost everything I ever come up
with is actually
stimulus / response
this is arduous at best, withering at worst. Interimly,
dealing with it as a mature adult is an unavoidable process.
more fulfilling in