Conversations For Transformation:
Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
Conversations For Transformation
Essays By Laurence Platt
Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
And More
Nobody Is Never A Jerk Sometimes
Jessup Cellars, Yountville, California, USA
April 11, 2016
Greatness isn't never being a jerk. Nobody is never a jerk sometimes.
That's not where greatness
shows up.
Being great carries no guarantee you won't be a jerk. No, greatness
shows up
in owning it when you're being a jerk, then quickly taking
responsibility for it and cleaning it up. That's greatness. There's no
human being
who doesn't display a degree of jerkishess at some point or another.
Human beings
are just jerks sometimes. It goes with the territory. You can put that
in the bank. I've been a jerk. You've been a jerk.
Human beings
will be jerks. Great
human beings
clean up their jerkishess. Awesomehuman beings
clean up their jerkishness faster.
Being in an inquiry into what made me
act
like a jerk whenever I
acted
like a jerk, is arduous at best and withering at worst.
When I look back on the moments when I
acted
like a
complete
jerk, I'm
watching
a riveting movie whose camera has captured my every look in
close updetail
and whose microphone has captured my every tone and my every
word
and my every subtle vocal nuance. Even though I hate it, I can't look
away. I can't block my ears. This movie doesn't lie. That's me up there
on the silver screen being a total jerk, sometimes even to people who
love
me, sometimes even to people whom I
love.
These are not exactly my shining moments. And I can't change one single
frame of this movie. Each and every one of its scenes are
truereflections
of my real life. They
happened.
They're history. It's all on film.
What
happenednext
was I had an epiphany regarding the utility of this kind of inquiry. I
saw that inquiring into what makes me
act
like a jerk, really isn't a
powerful
inquiry.
Why
am I a jerk from time to time? Who knows! The bigger
question
is can I be responsible for it? Having
gotten
that, I've reverted to confronting and owning that I'm a jerk from time
to time, and cleaning up the impact my being a jerk has had on people.
That's waaay more
powerful
than futzingwonderingwhy.
My process for cleaning up the impact my being a jerk has had on
people, is simple. I've
gotten
back in touch with every single
living
person with whom I've been a jerk, taken responsibility for my
behavior, and apologized for it. I've also cleaned it up with every
single person no longer
living
(yes it's possible to do that) as well as with those whom I can't
trace. That, in and of itself, allowed me to
powerfullycomplete
the past, and move on with my life with
integrity.
And that was enough ... for a short while at least. Then I realized
there's something even more fundamental which is called for. Being the
occasional jerk is so intrinsic to being
human
that simply cleaning it up isn't enough. What I realized I
had to do was embrace my own jerkishness. Cleaning it up,
in and of itself as it turns out, doesn't cut to the chase.
Embracing it and taking responsibility for it ie owning it
then cleaning it up,
works.
It's the
authenticway
to handle being a jerk, not if but whenever I'm being a jerk.
For me, becoming
enlightened
(which is a loaded term at best, yet in this
context
it's
good enough for jazz)
isn't trying to
get
to a place of being superhuman
ie to a place where I'm never a jerk any more. That would be like
a dog trying not to be a
dog.
To me, becoming
enlightened
is becoming fullyhuman.
And becoming fully
human
in an
enlightenedway,
calls for embracing my intrinsic
human
jerkishness, taking responsibility for it, and then cleaning it up, not
if but whenever it manifests.
I'll bet you good
money
you've all noticed that a jerk who doesn't take responsibility for
being a jerk, and who's in denial of being a jerk, is a jerk. And yet a
jerk who notices they're being a jerk, who takes responsibility for
being a jerk, and who cleans it up fast, is an inspiration, yes? Notice
it's the same behavior - yet with different ownership. That's
it. And that's all. It's the
choice
we have between these two different
ways
of owning our intrinsic
human
jerkishness, which results in dramatically dissimilar impacts being a
jerk has on our individual
constituencies
and on the
beingsphere
as a whole.