I am indebted to John Taylor who inspired this conversation.
Throughout my late teens and my early adult life, my compass pointed to
transformation. Now to be sure, in those early years I didn't have that
particular
word
for it. The
word
"transformation" itself came later. And it wasn't until the last
weekend of August in 1978 that I had any reality on what transformation
like an
experience
really is. Yet ever since I was born, I've always known something else
is possible for
being alive,
something tangible - indeed, I had it that the something was
missing.
I compared
my life
(indeed, I compared
Life itself)
and my satisfaction with it, to a yardstick which was supposed to
measure thirty six inches - except with mine, the final quarter inch
was unaccounted for. My yardstick was incomplete at thirty five
and three quarter inches. I always inferred that missing
quarter inch was somewhere to be found. I just knew it
would eventually
show up
(I could almost taste it). But I didn't know what or where it was, or
where to look for it, or how to get it back.
Knowing something was missing, segued into the first of a four-stage
hejira of
Self-discovery
for me. I distinctly
observed
the "something" in the faces of people who exemplified it for me
(whatever it was). I saw it in
art galleries.
I saw it in sunsets and sunrises. The second stage was inferring what
that something might be. I began to
think
about it in colloquial terms like "higher consciousness",
"enlightenment",
"actualization", "realization" etc even if the terms were all
grandiosely cerebral to me.
The third stage saw me setting out to discover it for myself (ie
whatever I conceived it to be). I embarked on and immersed myself in
various journeys, paths, inquiries (i'll call them
"intersections"
if you will) in an attempt to nail it down and own it (I hadn't yet
begun to
think
in terms of being it). In the fourth stage, transformation
(finally!) did not look like what I was expecting at all.
I was thoroughly, totally surprised by it, and yet also
delighted with it. Although it didn't fit any of my pictures of what it
would look like, when it was handed to me on a silver platter, I
recognized it immediately. I was enamored with it, intrigued by it,
profoundly grateful for it.
In hindsight (and hindsight is always 20/20 vision),
observing
it in the faces of people who exemplified it for me, was arguably
smart. That's how inspiration works. But then things were quickly and
unnecessarily complicated by my naïve assumption that
they had it (whatever it was) and I didn't (at least, not
yet). Setting out to discover it for myself (something which
seems to be a natural draw for most of us human beings) was, in
hindsight, even more distracting: it actually hid it from me - no, it
buried it - at least for a while. I was adamant there was
something to get. That's how I was about it. But I had not yet gotten
what there is to get, is
nothing.
Going down any path in search of something which a) is really nothing,
and which b) you've already got, is perplexing (to say the least). It's
an error which we, in our innocence thwarted by our own misguided
convictions, keep making. And transformation is the total and thrilling
realization that
there's nothing to get,
and you've already got it, and
this(exactlythis)
is what it looks like. It's maddeningly
slippery.
Transforming your life, it turns out, is
simple (it
really is) but it's not always easy.
In our carefully accumulated arsenal of beliefs (and we human beings
are
brilliantly
adept at accumulating beliefs that are supposed to make life work
better for us, yet get in our way, even with our best of intentions),
there's one particular belief we hold dear, which is that we'll have
peace
of
mind
someday. And because we're smart, we know there's
something we need to do to
control our minds
better if we want
peace.
We don't get that
this
way (ie exactly like
this)
is how the
mind
should look and work. In my humble
opinion,
aspiring to
peace
of
mind
is like aspiring to
peace
of
river.
Transformation is allowing the
mind
be the
mind,
without
messing with
it.