He was successful. That's for sure. Of all the people in the pantheon
of really successful people I know, he was right up there. And he had a
way
about him (a
rough,
unpolishedway
if you will, but a
way
nonetheless) of being impatient when things weren't going exactly
according to plan, a
way
which belied his
power
(that's in my
opinion
at least). What left him impatient and frustrated, is he didn't seem to
have any tolerance ie he was unwilling to
create
the space for things not going
100%
according to plan. He regarded something not going according to plan as
a
hassle.
We talked about it one day when he came by to
visit
and hike. He asked me "How do you stay so calm through it all?", to
which I countered "Do you think it's because it always goes according
to plan with me?". "Yes" he said, "that's certainly what it
looks like. How do you do that?". "Ah ..." I responded,
"so you think it always goes according to plan with me, and that's why
I'm calm, so I suppose you're also assuming if it wasn't
going according to plan with me, then I wouldn't be calm, yes?". "Yes"
he said, "that's it.".
"Here's something you may want to look at
closely:"
I suggested, "you may want to look at things not going according to
plan when they're not going according to plan. You may want to
look at whether or not you're including them in your life.". It's not
an unusual malaise. When things go according to plan and
the way
we want them to go, that (we say) is our life. But when
things don't go according to plan or
the way
we want them to go, that (we say) is clearly some
impediment, some interruption to our life ie some
hassle
which
gets
in
the way
of our life running smoothly. "The
trouble"
I continued, "is you've dichotomized it. In other
words,
you've made it one or the other. It's either your life
or ... it's a
hassle.
What's probably
closer
to
the truth,
is: the
truenature
of your life is in part pure hassle. See, it's still your life
when things don't go according to plan. It only becomes a
hassle
(perhaps a majorhassle,
given its
tyranny)
when you don't
create
the space to include it.".
There was ... sudden silence - except for the swish
swish swish of the long field grasses against our jeans' hems
and hiking boots. He really did go suddenly silent. I like silences
like those. They tell me that something has connected ie something's
hit home, something's landed. And the most pragmatic things
which land are the ones we discover for ourselves in those
"A-Ha!" moments which leave us with
power
derived from
what's so
rather than from a
belief
system or from feel good bon mots.
"I get it"
he eventually said, his head slightly to one side, nodding slowly,
smiling. "The only difference between my life, and what I
consider
to be a
hassle,
is I've taken responsibility for my life.".
"Awesome!" I said. I meant it. I hadn't thought about it
in quite that
way.
"And that which you
consider
to be a
hassle,
is already included in your life anyway - except you've
not (yet) taken responsibility for it" (the already
included aspect of it, is plain - sometimes much to our
chagrin).
It went on like that, back and forth, like a
jazz
riff, as we hiked over both stony and grassy ground, under oak trees,
past disinterested
horses
and
cows.
Then he said "Wait! If that's
true,
then ...". I interrupted him: "Uh oh! Here comes the 'How
about ...?'". We both smiled. "No, really" he said, "how
about eliminating all the
hassle?".
I stopped
walking.
"Are you serious?" I said, feigning shock and surprise.
"You're
human.
Give it up. The best it's ever going to
get
for you is taking responsibility for
hassles.
Eliminating them isn't an option.". By this
time,
he had stopped too. "Man! That's
powerful"
he said, "Thank You!". "Don't thank me" I said, "Thank
Werner.".
Then I heard that swish swish swish again, and I realized
we'd re-started
walking.
But I hadn't noticed when. It seemed to have
happened
by itself.
