I am indebted to Gwaltnay Levine who inspired this conversation.
Partaking in so called
high tea
is not something I often do these days. That's not because I don't like
to do it, nor because I disdain the practice itself. It's that here
where I live in these United States, it's not de rigueur
as it is in England where I was born. Partaking in
high tea
is a charming ritual whose adherents wait until four o'clock in the
afternoon or thereabouts to sit in their parlors (ie
living rooms) and drink a cup of (ie a "cuppa")Earl Grey tea,
to which milk and sugar are added, along with cucumber sandwiches,
cake,
and pastries, most notable of which are buttered scones served with
strawberry jam and a dollop of clotted Devonshire cream. That's
high tea.
There's nothing quite like it in the USA, nothing quite like the ritual
of it, the civility of it, the extended pinky in the
air faux aristocracy of it. And there we were, an old friend
and I who hadn't seen each other in a while, delighting in each other's
company, enjoying
high tea in an English tea
lounge
during a recent visit to
London
- talking, sharing, smiling, exchanging in the way old friends are
comfortable doing, and in which they delight with each other.
And during one of the not too frequent pauses in our conversation, I
asked her if there's anything she's
afraid of.
Regardless of its seeming intrusiveness, it was an appropriate question
to ask, given what else was going on in the conversation at the time.
She paused for a while, quite a long while actually, before she
volunteered "I'm not
afraid of
anything" (it was authentic - I could tell) after which another long
pause ensued before she came out with "... except
dying"
(equally authentic).
Even given the intimacy of our long, close friendship, it was a
stunning confession. Everyone at some point or other (and I do mean
everyone) starts naturally looking at
death and dying
ie at various possible scenarios of our demise, considering it,
confronted by it, contemplating it. Many of our contemplations are
inquisitive: what will it be like? Some are
fearful:
will I be alone when it happens? Others are humane: will there be pain?
Still others are wryly humorous - as one wit said "I'm not
afraid ofdying
- I just don't want to be there when it happens" for example. Neither
of us was touching our scones, jam, and clotted cream at this point.
Being not unfamiliar with this inquiry myself, what was fresh for me
which I shared with her, was
"Death's
inevitability, along with taxes, is a done deal. They're arguably the
only two certainties in this life. That said, being
afraid of
it may just turn out to be a simple case of mistaken
identity.".
After a brief pause, she (quite predictably) responded "What do you
mean by being
afraid of
it may just turn out to be a simple case of 'mistaken
identity'
Laurence?
'Mistaken
identity'?
Explain.".
That which never
dies,
is
Life itself.
It's been going on for
millennia,
forever if you like, and it'll be going on for a few more
millennia,
forever too if you like. And after all those like you and me who've
come and gone on
the planet,
Life itself
is still intact. Take a look around you. You see it's so. Indeed, could
it be that you and I are
Life itself
manifesting itself? So we are also, in some very real sense,
that which never
dies.
That's one aspect of us. Another aspect of us is we are that which
dies:
individuality,
ego,
"I / me".
If you
identify
with that which
dies, death and dying
have a certain look and feel, trepidation and
fear.
If you're willing to entertain the possibility that you're not that
which
dies
and not
identify
with it, death and dying (while inevitable) take on an entirely new
look and feel. Transformation (it could be said) is shifting from
mistakenly
identifying
with that which
dies,
to being willing to entertain the possibility of being that which never
dies.
Maybe.
She looked down, a bolt of poignant sadness suddenly creasing her face.
Just as suddenly, she looked up beaming. Reaching for her cup of Earl
Grey, pinky in the air, she took a sip, saying "Thank You. I love being
with you.".
High tea is a classy
expression
of English culture. Transformation is a gateway, an
access
to
Life itself.