Conversations For Transformation: Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

Conversations For Transformation

Essays By Laurence Platt

Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

And More


When I Communicate Clearly, You're A Better Communicator

Cowboy Cottage, East Napa, California, USA

March 28, 2023

"When you do the Forum, you don't get better. The people around you get better." ... Landmark Forum Leader

This essay, When I Communicate Clearly, You're A Better Communicator, is the companion piece to It is also the fourth in a quadrilogy on Communication:
  1. Communication
  2. Terse Transformed Communication
  3. A Certain Quality Of Communication
  4. When I Communicate Clearly, You're A Better Communicator
in that order.

It was written at the same time as I am indebted to Geoff Heise who contributed material for this conversation.

This is amazing (communication is amazing)! Here's one of the things that's amazing about it: when I communicate clearly, you  show up / occur for me as a better communicator. You show up clearer, more attentive, present, intentional, you show up thoroughly and totally with  me. Yet it is I in communicating with you that has you occur that way for me. That's wild, truly (as they say) far out:  I communicate clearly ... you  become a better communicator? Wow!

Hmmm ... what makes it work this way? I've looked, and my answer is: I don't know. No, it's more than that actually. It's I really don't have any idea why  it works either. It ... just ... works  this way. I communicate clearly (or at least I communicate clear-er)  ... and as if by magic, you're a better communicator - that is to say, when I'm a better communicator, when I communicate clearly, you show up as a better communicator. That's profound (it's also very human).

Look: I don't need to understand what makes this work, for it to work. That's the booby prize. I'm not looking to explain and I don't need to explain why it works, for it to work. Being able to explain it, isn't a prerequisite for it to work (I don't need to explain a screwdriver: I rotate it, and if it doesn't work, I get another one). Yet its workability is observable and obvious: when I communicate clearly with you, you magically show up for me as a better communicator.

Communication's like that. Mostly it takes two to tango (or at least that's what they say). Yet enlivening authentic communication may only require one. One person (moi)  is enough to enliven the space of authentic communication, and in so doing inspire / tease out / trigger authentic communication from us all.

If I were to explore this further ie if I had to venture what I think makes it work, if I had to take a shot at it, if I were to hazard a guess, I would postulate something akin to this: "When I communicate clearly, you're a better communicator because presence of Self  is seductive, irresistible, alluring, enrolling.".

What? Now wait a moment: presence of Self?  What does that even mean Laurence: "When I communicate clearly, you're a better communicator because presence of Self is seductive, irresistible, alluring, enrolling"? What does "presence of Self" have to do with communication ie with being in communication?

Presence of Self: when we bring forth who we really are (which we do simply by speaking intently and listening powerfully), it creates a condition for Self to be presenced ie for Self to reveal itself, to come forth. It creates (in a word) the space to BE. When we bring forth who we really are, those within earshot and close proximity (that is: those in range) get presence of Self as an invitation, as a possibility, as an opening to step into then presence Self too, speaking intently and listening powerfully (presence of Self inspires Self to be presenced). And that's (or it's what makes for) real, authentic, powerful communication.

But how? / why? Again, I don't know - suffice to say presence of Self is just this way: seductive, calling us to come out to play / to participate. That may be why when I communicate clearly, you occur as (you become) a better communicator. But I don't really know for sure if that's the reason. It's just my guess.

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