If you want me to explain something about the way life is going for
you, about the way life is
showing up
for you, that is to say if you're gracious enough to assume there's
something I understand which you don't, I'll proceed with care,
stepping on the usual rickety stepping stones, carefully negotiating
the usual pitfalls of explaining anything to anyone about
how life shows up.
The first pitfall is my very act of taking on explaining something to
you implies somehow I've got the low down on it, somehow
I've got the inside
scoop
on it and you don't. If you ask me for an explanation and I give
it to you, my very act of giving it to you defies your own mastery
of your own life.
The second pitfall is my very act of taking on explaining something to
you implies somehow life showing up the way it shows up can be
explained. It can't be. Life simply shows up the way it shows up,
and it doesn't show up the way it doesn't show up. There's no reason.
There's no explanation - that is to say there's no explanation imbued
with any worthwhile power enough to transform your life.
Transformation isn't a function of understanding, and it certainly
isn't a function of explaining either.
The third pitfall is my very act of taking on explaining something to
you, even if I give you an intelligent, erudite, brilliantly plausible
explanation, keeps you trapped in the domain of
explanation, belief, and concept, effectively and
paradoxically
locking you out of the domain you hope my explaining will open up for
you, the domain you most want to be in: the domain of being who you
really are.
That's what you really want (even though you may not be
aware it's what you really want): you want who you really are. You want
to be who you really are. I assert you may not be aware
it's what you really want, yet to be who you really are is what you
really want.
You don't even know how to ask for what you really want. So, instead,
you ask for what you do know how to ask for: explanations. You ask
"How?" questions. You ask "Why?" questions.
But you don't really want explanations from me. In fact, you don't
really want answers from me either. You're too
clever, you're too sophisticated, you're too smart to be
interested in my answers anyway, even though you ask for them.
What you want from me, even if you're not aware you want it, is you
want me to be who I really am so you can riff
off me being who I really am, and be who you really
are too. That's what you really want. And if I
explain to you how to be it, I'll keep you from being it
as surely as if I locked it in Fort Knox then threw the
only key down an abandoned mineshaft.
You'll love
who I am.
But be careful! Loving
who I am
will transfer your affection from who you are (which is
what you want) to who you think I am. You'll think (erroneously)
having who you think I am, will fulfill you, will complete
you. But that's not really what you want. You don't really want to
have me to fulfill you, to complete you. What you
really want is for you to be who you
really are in the same way as you experience me
being who I realy am.
When you get that, you'll notice "having" me isn't a
factor in the quadratic equation of your fulfillment.
"Having" me is incidental, almost trivial, in fact
it's a
distraction.
As much as you may say you want me, having me will only get in your
way. What will fulfill you, what will complete you is you having who
you really are, not you having who you think I am.
The entire interpersonal landscape shifts when you have
who you really are. Everything you ever thought about or knew about or
wanted in relationships simply no longer applies. Relationships are an
entirely new ballgame when you come from who you really
are. You'll start to notice when you're not coming from who you really
are, you want and need relationships. You'll start to notice when
you're coming from who you really are, you neither want nor need
relationships. And yet you'll create miraculous
relationships effortlessly. All the struggle, effort, and
entanglement is gone.
What you want from me is for me to be who I really am so you can riff
off me being who I really am, and be who you really are too. What you
want from me is for me to catalyze you being who you
really are, and then for me to get out of your way. That's what
you really want. If I'm presumptuous in assuming to know what you
really want when you say you want something else, if I'm
arrogant in assuming to know what you really
want when you say you want something else, that's my job as catalyzer.