I'm inventing the possibility of being easy, effortless,
and hassle free.
I've started speaking it like a possibility. I've started speaking it,
quite literally, by injecting the words "easy",
"effortless", and "hassle free" intentionally, whenever
possible, into my day to day conversations. The results are dramatic.
My daughter Alexandra
recently moved in to her new residence in
She's now a first year student on the University of California campus
there. To be sure, we have a new life path to negotiate
now, she and I. The tenderness of separation, the erstwhile uncrossable
line in the sand drawn by the completion of the rites
de passage of her beginning her new life on her own, has
morphed. Hers is now the sweet smell of success. Hers is now the
triumph. Hers is the sheer excitement of being given a new
bull as a gift by life, and without hesitation, taking it
by the horns. I'm so
proud of her. She's my
who's crossed the line
in the sand
(as Neil Young may have said).
Yet clearly there are also now new challenges to meet, new issues to
resolve. Simply being excited goes a long way toward
providing fuel to move through all the new spaces, but it's not enough
to resolve them entirely.
For starters, our time lines are now very different. Our
schedules don't match much anymore. In fact, without
scheduling time to schedule with each other, we wouldn't
be able to schedule at all.
This is new. At times, things look difficult, even impossible.
We speak by phone. Her priorities run her arguments. My priorities run
mine. But mutual arrangements are rarely resolved based on who has the
highest priority or who has the strongest argument. Mostly, mutual
arrangements are resolved based on what works best for everyone.
At some point in the conversation, I'll surrender my point of view.
I'll give up my position. I'll say to her "Whatever we choose,
I'd like it to be easy, effortless, and hassle
free for you.".
There's a sudden silence. All the effort, struggle, and
difficulty disappear. It's not that we've suddenly
worked it all out - we haven't (at least, not yet). It's
not that divine intervention has miraculously given us
all the answers - it won't. It's that "easy, effortless,
and hassle free" has made its appearance.
from stage right and is now front and center.
front and center.
"Easy, effortless, and hassle free" is now present
in language like a possibility, and in the space of this
possibility, things suddenly, magically start falling into
place. Solutions come up.
takes hold. Issues resolve themselves. Most magical of all, when new
plans are hatched easily, when the logistics get handled
effortlessly, when arrangements are made without hassle, the space
between us is freed up, and is opened for love, respect, and