Conversations For Transformation: Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

Conversations For Transformation

Essays By Laurence Platt

Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

And More



Conversations For Transformation on YouTube

I Am Love With You

Atlas Peak Appellation, Napa Valley, California, USA

February 19, 2006
Reposted August 27, 2020

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This essay is the companion piece to
  1. 100%: A New Paradigm For Relationship
  2. Love Living Into Love
  3. I Listen You
in that order.

It is also the first in a group of eighteen on Love: I am indebted to Curt Hill who inspired this conversation.




I am love with you.

Wait! Did you hear me say "I am in  love with you"?

Look again. That's not what I said (it's not a typo).

There are two things to get here. One, if you heard me say "I am in love with you", notice your already always listening for it, regardless of what was actually spoken. Two, "I am in love with you" is a concept, whereas "I am love with you" is an experience (to get that, try both on for size - exactly as they're spoken).

An overriding assumption of life in the world as we know it, is "This isn't  it!" ("it can't be it, there's gotta be more") - Werner distinguishes (I'm paraphrasing) life as a game in which what isn't, is more important than what is. As a corollary of "This isn't it!" ie what goeswith  it (as Alan Watts may have said) is I have no love to start with, and if I don't get love from you, I'll have none at all. At worst, that's an interesting place to be in. At best, you're in good company if that's where you're at: I have no love, similarly you have no love, but we revel in whatever it is we call love that we, each having none, give to each other - a strange state of affairs indeed.

Yet when you and I are in relationship with each other that way, it's still one of the best things there is, one of the best things available to us, one of the redeeming features of life as we know it as it creeps on at this petty pace  (as William Shakespeare may have said). That's what we mean literally  by "being in love": that rare, indeterminate yet delicious state in which I, having no love, am loved by you, also having no love, and each putting our no-love in the space between us, in which we then both swim (hence the expression "being in love") yet having no real mastery over causing it nor having any of it left if either of us doesn't want to play anymore.

An entirely new possibility for love is called into being when I take responsibility for my experience. When I look at my experience of love, I see love ("allowing another to be exactly who they are, and exactly who they aren't") as my source. I come from it. I am it. At first, that seemingly most obvious of all obvious realities, eludes me. Yet as I look at it, I notice (if I pay attention) I can never not  grant that way-of-being to another (double negatives aside) if I'm being true to who I really am.

Being love, I bring love to relationship, rather than looking to you in relationship to give me love. Love is my source. Love is where I come from. I am  love. Being love, you bring love to relationship, rather than looking to me in relationship to give you love. Love is your source. Love is where you come from. You are  love.

I am love. You are love. I am love with you.




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