One of the many things I noticed newly having experienced
Werner's work
for the first time, was
a dramatic shift
in my sleeping patterns. Suddenly I was sleeping a lot less than I was
accustomed to ie fewer hours than I would have said I needed. Nobody
had suggested to us that a reduction in the need for sleep was a known,
researched outcome of
participating
in
Werner's work.
I had
questions
about it. Was there an explanation? Was it merely co-incidence?
What I realized was that I had my own unique, physical need for sleep
(like everyone else, I suppose) and I also used sleep as
my way of escaping from / avoiding unworkable situations in
my life
which I didn't like. "Escape sleep" is what I called it.
And rather than confronting unworkable situations, I went to sleep at
night earlier than I needed to and / or
awoke
later than I should have. Escape sleep provided the welcome respite
from that which I was avoiding.
What likely
happened
with the onset of transformation ie what I assume
shifted,
was not so much a reduction in my physical need for a certain number of
hours of sleep every day, but instead that I became less inclined to
avoid situations that weren't working ie less inclined to want to or
need to escape from them, by avoiding confronting them by sleeping
more. I became more inclined - indeed, more excited - to tell the truth
about them ie to confront them and their unworkability. With that
shift,
my need for sleep (particularly for escape sleep) was naturally
reduced. I didn't want to ie didn't need to sleep as much.
That's my explanation for (ie that's what I assume accounts for) the
reduction in sleep after transformation. But that's not where this
essay ends. 45 years later (I was 28 then, I'm 75 now) I experienced
another
shift
in my sleeping patterns - and this time I had began to sleep more
again. But this time, having worked through and resolved the issues in
my life
which once called for escape sleep, opting for escape sleep wasn't
the reason.
It really wasn't the issue.
With transformation, I was prioritizing sleeping less (and getting more
done) over sleeping more (and getting less done). In theory, that
choice had some merit - except for one increasingly obvious factor:
it's no longer my preference in the matter that determines how long I
sleep or stay
awake.
Now it's the demands of my body. At 75,
my body
has begun making demands all of its own, some of which have no regard
for my preference in the matter. One such demand is the demand if not
for more sleep, then at least for enough
sleep. And it's a major aspect of
participating
in
the work of
transformation
for us to be responsible for ourselves, our lives, and our bodies.
A new listening
has taken
center stage,
a listening
as in the demand to
"Listen
to your
body.".
My 75 year old body
is demanding more sleep. Its physical needs have changed. This is not
escape sleep revisited. It's got nothing to do with escape sleep
at all.
This is the onset of aging, the natural onset of
tangible aging. I've been noticing its almost
imperceptibly increasing
presence
for some time now. Recently I started taking it seriously. This is what
needing more sleep (ie real sleep, not escape sleep) bodes. This is
what it's the harbinger of. I'm not used to this. I'll get used to it.
I'll allow
my life
to be the way it is. I'll
surrendermy life
to the way it is. I don't know any better way. I've never been a "take
a nap" kind of
guy.
Now if I have to, I'll take a nap. Whenever I've
listened
to my body, it's always
led
me to someplace good. I don't expect this time will be different.