Conversations For Transformation: Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

Conversations For Transformation

Essays By Laurence Platt

Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

And More


100%:

A New Paradigm For Relationship

Troy, Michigan, USA

February 18, 2002



This essay, 100%: A New Paradigm For Relationship, is the companion piece to
  1. I Am Love With You
  2. Fulfilled And Accepting
in that order.




I am clear that for the most part, the world has gotten the ground rules for making relationships work completely wrong. It is drilled into us from childhood that making a relationship work is a 50% / 50% paradigm, with each partner being responsible for their 50% of the relationship.

If you look at that paradigm, it is not hard to see that while it is well intentioned, the 50% / 50% paradigm for making relationships work does not work, and in fact has never, ever worked.

I say that it does not work because while it charges each of us to be 50% responsible for making our relationships work, it also leaves room for each of us to be 50% not responsible for making our relationships work.

So rather, it is not a 50% / 50% paradigm that works for making a relationship work with each partner being responsible for their 50% of the relationship, but rather it is a 100% paradigm that works for making a relationship work. Do you get that?

Wait!

Did you hear me say that it is a 100% / 100% paradigm that works for making a relationship work with each partner being responsible for 100% of it?

I did not say that. What I said was that it is a 100% paradigm that works for making a relationship work. In other words, I am responsbile for all of the relationship independently of you being responsible for any of it or all of it or even none of it. In this paradigm, you are free to choose to be responsible for 100% of the relationship too, and you don't have to.

People are enlivened by a relationship that works. That is really what everyone wants - if only we knew how to get one! And if you do have one, it is inspirational.

Against a background of "it's empty and meaningless", anything is possible, even permissible. Prior to formulating the magnum opus of his work, Werner attended seminars given by Alan Watts, the erstwhile Episcopalian priest who laid bare the essence of Zen for the western world. Zen is arguably "the" discipline which created the space for the breakthrough which is Werner's work. Yet Alan Watts himself made complete light of fidelity, and even took great pride in his many infidelities. Like I said, anything is possible.

And yet in the face of that, if you are a stand for relationship and fidelity, you are really on to something.



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