I have the good fortune to be coached not just by a coach
but by a host of coaches. There's no
mystery
to how I got to be coached by a host of coaches rather than just one.
It's not because each of them singled me out and came up to me in turn,
generously
offering to coach me. It's because
I requested their coaching, I
asked for it.
Over time, I asked each one (some declined). It's been a long time, a
very long time since I entertained the foolish arrogance that I would
figure it out all by myself and therefore didn't need anyone's
coaching. I was a smart aleck, a Mr know-it-all who
thankfully got clear that his
blind spots
are seen easier by someone coaching him, than if he tried to see them
clearly by himself. How much more can be seen by a host of
coaches?
One day, one of my host of coaches and I were in the middle of a
scheduled conversation ie a coaching session. The item at the top of
our agenda (ie the item I requested be at the top of our agenda) was my
realization that in spite of myself, I wasn't applying myself 100% to
my life - 95% maybe ... but with a big chunk spent idling, not applying
myself, wasting a goodly portion of it, not seizing it all. And he said
to me "But Laurence, life is wonderful to waste.".
I want to be quite clear about this: it was not what I
expected. I immediately misinterpreted what he said. What I heard him
say disrespected both life as well as my approach / attitude to my
life. But that's not what he said. It's what I heard him
say. I heard him say it doesn't matter if I waste life -
kind of like having a "Who cares?!" approach, a
"Who-gives-a-rats-ass?" attitude ... at least, that's what I heard him
say at first. And when I eventually did listen what he said,
when I eventually got the
bigness
of it (and beyond that, the beautiful
Zen
of it), all I could say was "Wow! Thanks, that's really awesome" -
slowly, pensively, appreciatively. He had reminded me of something so
essential, something so fundamental that without it, all perspectives
are skewed.
This is why I have a host of coaches: to point me toward the essential
things I know (or say I know) yet forget from time to
time, like: all
this
is empty and meaningless. All of it. And it's empty and
meaningless that it's empty and meaningless. What I got from him
was in berating myself living "only" 95% and not 100%, I had fallen
into the
trap
of making it all mean something. And the irony of it all
is that whether I live life 95% or 100%, it's still empty
and meaningless. So life can't be wasted. It's already empty and
meaningless. It can only be lived
at choice.
And I can choose to live life 95% or 100%
(there's no "right"
answer)
or any other percentage I want for that matter. The point
is I go for 100%, and whatever fraction gets done is what gets
done.
Even if I happen to waste life (albeit both unintentionally and
unwittingly), how wonderful is that? Look: here I am,
basking in the sun on a late afternoon outdoor hike, enjoying the
rotation of
the planet
backlit by an orange-and-yellow-flamed sunset, wasting time I should
have invested in doing something productive. Isn't life wonderful to
waste? How rich is it that I have the capacity to waste life!
Yes, the capacity! the gift! I shared with
him my experience of
walking on a sidewalk with
Werner,
just we two, stopping to look at cracks in the concrete. They weren't
"idle" moments. They were
sacred
moments.
