Get out of the way:
Allow her to have her own experience. Anything you add by way of your opinions, bon mots, even by your own concerns becomes just one more thing she has to manage, interfering with her experiencing fully whatever it is she's concerned about. Miracles happen when we experience our concerns fully.
Just listen. Intently. Don't interrupt. The opportunity for her to be heard (to be really heard) by someone else, provides a rich opportunity for her to hear herself - possibly for the first time. She isn't stoopid. She'll manage almost all of her own concerns simply by hearing herself describing them.
When she's finished speaking, and only when she's finished speaking, summarize back to her what you heard her say. Simply echo what she said. No interpreting. Allow her to correct you until both of you are certain you heard her accurately. Create the certainty for her that what she said was heard.
You're great /
I love you.
Hold her greatness and your love for her, paramount in your listening. This is where you listen from. Given this context to speak to and within which to speak, she'll see clearly. You're not giving answers or solutions. You're providing a listening for her greatness in which she'll resolve things for herself.
I trust your judgement:
The idea of resolving things for herself without "help" or advice may be unfamiliar - at first. Keep trusting her judgement as you listen. No rescuing! Defer to her judgement as trustworthy, as count-on-able. Soon she'll also get her judgement is trustworthy and count-on-able, and make good calls.
Whatever she says is going on, listen that there's nothing wrong. It's not merely good Zen. It's the foundation for a listening in which problems can't get a foothold. "Nothing's wrong" isn't an interpretation. It isn't a denial of facts, whatever they are. It's a context for support, a platform for listening.
It's OK the way it
"It's OK the way it is" is the next layer of listening (if you will) up from "nothing's wrong". Given the listening "it's OK the way it is", she can choose freely from all available future options, rather than dither endlessly in morality ie in the already always listening for the conceptual right thing to do.
Having established an open, unintrusive platform for listening, introduce "anything's possible" as an idea - not as "the truth" (which only gets in the way). "Anything's possible" allows future choices to to be considered without prejudice on their own merits. Moving on, moving forward can now begin.
Having established the listening "anything's possible" on a platform of "it's OK the way it is", "What's next?" is more than mere conjecture. She can now freely choose a stand for her future, and design actions consistent with it. She's now empowered by who she really is, not by being right or by winning.
Investing in her is arguably the one contribution I make which requires my stake in the matter. I express interest in any direction she chooses. I ask to be updated with how it goes. I tell her (again) I trust her judgement, that I know how powerful she is. It's a reminder, one she may no longer need.
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