Conversations For Transformation:
Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
Conversations For Transformation
Essays By Laurence Platt
Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard
And More
Using Laurence Platt
Kansas City, Missouri, USA
October 16, 2011
"It is ultimate
ego
to suppose that you can function without
ego.
I saw that I could let my
ego
be, and that when I did so, it would let me be. It would no longer
impede me. Instead of my
ego's
running the show, I could run the show. It was a matter of my being
willing to be at cause with my own
ego,
to hold it as something that belonged to me - not to resist or try to
get rid of it, not to try to prove that I didn't have one, nor fall
into it, submit to it, or let it run me. Now this was a matter, in
part, of taking responsibility for Jack Rosenberg and for Werner
Erhard. It was all over for Werner Erhard. And yet now, for the first
time, I could use that particular personality, Werner Erhard, as a
means of expression, as a way to express
the Self."
Some time around now (it may actually have been closer to
the last weekend of August
1978
but nonetheless some time around now) the
context
for my life shifted.
Until now, the
context
for my life could have been called "getting it all together". I
was getting my career together, and I was being diligent about it. I
was learning the innermost abstracts of
mainframe computer operating
systems.
I was convinced Life required that I work at a job or a business,
advance in it, become successful at it, and retire comfortably as a
result of it. I was also getting (for want of a better word) my
head together. There was a secret to Life -
of this I was certain. I didn't know what it was (yet) - but I was on
the path to finding out. I knew I would find it out ...
sooner or later. I was getting my emotions together. I was
getting my attitude together. I was getting my social
skills and graces together - which is to say I was getting my
act together. If there was anything about
Laurence Platt which I could have gotten more together than it already
wasn't (or appeared not to be), I was getting it together. Nothing was
off the table.
So the
context
for my life called "getting it all together" quite firmly pre-supposed
Life (and my life in particular) wasn't already together,
and I was somehow going to figure out how to get it all together. Not
only that, but it's how I had it for everyone else too: everyone
else was also figuring out how to get it all together. Figuring out how
to get it all together, in the company of people who I had it were also
figuring out how to get it all together, was a damper on my
relationships - something I didn't fully realize at the time.
Also until now, the
context
for my life could have been called "making it". I wasn't exactly
sure how to make it. But one thing was for
sure: I would find out what it takes to make it, and then
I would make it ... whatever making it meant. I had vague notions of
making it meaning having recognition, of making it meaning being
successful (being financially successful in particular),
of making it meaning handling myself well in public - and in a way that
was admired. I was also certain making it meant being thought of as a
good guy by all.
But to tell you the truth, I didn't really know what
making it was or what making it means. Whenever I talked about making
it, my
words
rang in my ears with an inauthentic hollowness because I
was talking about that which I really knew nothing about. Maybe
an indication that you've made it is having finally figured out what
"making it" means ... or so I theorized. But honestly? I
didn't know. Laurence Platt didn't know. But oh boy! was
he ever determined to find out ...
To make a long story short, to cut to the chase as we say,
here's what happened - eventually:
Laurence Platt, which is to say the identity "Laurence
Platt" never got it all together. The identity "Laurence
Platt" never made it. The identity "Laurence Platt", it turns out, was
kind of like a
work in
progress
for me which I ran with for a while - trying to get it together, trying
to change it, trying to improve it (I suppose you could say I was
tweaking it) as I tried to make it - and then abandoned
entirely when I realized it's already together (so
there's nothing about it which needs to be gotten together) and has
already made it by virtue of being born (so there's
nothing it needs to make or prove).
Besides which (and this discovery was sudden and enlightening for me),
if Laurence Platt is in the process of trying to get it all together,
if Laurence Platt is in the process of trying to make it, then what (or
more pertinently, who) exactly is it which is getting
Laurence Platt to try to get it all together? And what (or more
pertinently, who) exactly is it which is making Laurence
Platt try to make it?
It was a pivotal,
extraordinary"Eureka!" moment which left me both agape and aghast. Not
only is Laurence Platt who is busy getting it all together already
together, not only has Laurence Platt who is trying to make it
already made it, but Laurence Platt who is already together and
who has already made it isn't
who I really am
anyway!
Said another way, Laurence Platt isn'treallyLaurencePlatt ... and the mind boggles and the
mind boggles and the mind keeps on boggling, unable and even
unwilling to confront what it's just unequivocally,
undeniably, in a flash of total crystal clarity, seen.
Laurence Platt who is getting it all together ie Laurence Platt who is
already together ie Laurence Platt who is trying to make
it ie Laurence Platt who has already made it, is an
impostor.
Laurence Platt is just an identity (by the way, that's why I wear a
nametag).
Laurence Platt is just a role. Laurence Platt is just an act. Laurence
Platt just a story, a tragedy or a comedy or a drama or a mystery or a
romance or a novel or simply pulp fiction depending on how
I sometimes unknowingly and sometimes knowingly write it or play it or
personify it or tell it.
So now I, for the first time, am really using Laurence
Platt, now I'm really using that particular identity, now I'm really
using that particular role, now I'm really using that particular act,
now I'm really using that particular story to
demonstrate
and to share the
context
for my life - indeed, the
context
for Life itself.
It's a
context
which is truly, deeply, and authentically touching, moving, and
inspiring, just as it's both magnificent and profound. It's the
context
of
Self.
I am this
context.
I am
Self.
I'm using Laurence Platt as a means to
demonstrate
and to express and to communicate and to share this
context
of
Self.