Getting back to where I was ie recalling my frame of
reference when I became aware for the first time of the
idea of enlightenment, I had many ideas of what it might be
like. I also, by comparing it (or whatever I considered it to be)
to the state I considered my life to be in at the time, had many
ideas of what it might not be like.
Alligators Wanting To Bite Your Ass In The Swamp
What I didn't realize at the time ie what I had no way of
knowing at the time, is I'd unwittingly obfuscated
with "enlightenment" - mainly because Werner Erhard hadn't yet
appeared on my horizon, so the distinction
hadn't yet entered the realm of possibility in my universe.
In the absence of the distinction
I took material from what was available to me ie from what I'd
heard and from what I'd read about enlightenment. I related to it.
It sounded more and more like what I was looking for, like
something I wanted in my life, like something I should
find out about, like something worth going for.
It was more than that, actually. I'd started believing
enlightenment was the only thing worth going for, like
something worth (for want of a better word) attaining. It
became a full time job. If you consider you aren't yet
enlightened, then attaining enlightenment is a full time job.
Attaining anything you aren't is a full time job. I
didn't get that until much later. I was entrenched in a belief
there's a path to enlightenment. Being entrenched
in a belief means I didn't realize it was a
belief. For me, it was simply "the truth" that
there was a path to enlightenment. Being on the path to
enlightenment became a spiritual quest.