"The cost to me of not doing so. I'm unwilling to pay the cost of
carrying a resentment (or whatever) around, so I draw on the
intelligence of forgiving."
When someone I consider to be close to me does something which violates
our trust, I notice I don't like admitting the first thought on my mind
is not to be forgiving. The first thought on my
mind when someone I consider to be close to me does something which
violates our trust, is more like making them wrong (in
fact it makes me angry, actually, if I tell the truth about it).
I consider myself to be a basically good person. At least,
that's how I like to think about myself. And, truth be told, when I do
get angry (which isn't often, but it does happen from time to time), I
don't place much stock in my own anger. But in regards to the fact
that I get angry from time to time, I'm no
different than someone who gets angry and does place stock in and
ascribes meaning, blame, and make wrong to their anger.
When I look at this phenomenon closely, I can clearly discern the
reaction of it ie the automaticity of it.
Furthermore, if I look even closer at it, I see I'm
powerless over the instance of it. I notice I'm powerless
over the onset of this reaction. I have literally no
choice over it.
That's the bad news. The good news is this:
I do, however, have complete, full, and free choice over what I'm going
to do next ie I do have complete, full, and free
choice over who I'm going to be next. What I choose,
completely, fully, and freely, to do next is to invent a new
possibility for myself and for my life, having acknowledged
the
inauthenticity
of ascribing meaning, blame, and make wrong to my anger.
When this happened recently, when someone I consider to be close to me
did something which violated our trust, as soon as I got the
inauthenticity
of ascribing meaning, blame, and make wrong to my anger, and I saw how
stopped my anger rendered me from moving on with my life,
how stopped I was from being ready for
what's next
in my life, I invented the possibility of being forgiving, open, and
welcoming for myself and for my life. And in that instant, I
granted forgiveness to that person. My anger vanished. I became the
space for that person to come back into my life at a whole new
level, in fact for that person to be welcomed back
into my life.
"Inventing a possibility" implies inventing a possibility
of being. It's a subtle distinction: inventing a possibility of
being. As opposed to what? As opposed to, say, inventing a possibility
of doing. As opposed to, say, inventing a possibility of
having.
A possibility like the possibility of being a fast runner
isn't really a possibility of being. Rather, it's a possibility of
doing. A possibility like the possibility of being a rich
person isn't really a possibility of being. Rather, it's a
possibility of having. Neither possibilities of doing (as
impressive as they may be) nor possibilities of having (as desirable as
they may be) transform life. What transforms life are possibilities of
being.
Inventing possibilities of being shifts the ground work
of
who I am
as a human being. Inventing possibilities of being is a seismic
shift in
who I am
as a human being. I may indeed invent the possibility of being a rich
person for myself and for my life. I may indeed become rich. But that's
just another iteration of me being whoever I'm being, amassing
wealth. I may indeed invent the possibility of being a fast runner for
myself and for my life. I may indeed become fast. But that's just
another iteration of me being whoever I'm being, running fast.
When you invent a possibility of being for yourself and for your life
like the possibility of being forgiving, open, and welcoming, then
you're not the same person as you were before you invented
the possibility of being forgiving, open, and welcoming for yourself
and for your life. You may become a fast runner, but now you're a fast
runner inside of the possibility of being forgiving, open,
and welcoming. Now you're a transformed person ... who also happens to
be fast. You may become a rich person, but now you're a rich person
inside of the possibility of being forgiving, open, and
welcoming. Now you're a transformed person ... who also happens to be
rich.
Being the possibility of being forgiving, open, and welcoming, I'm
ready for anything and everything, eagerly and keenly
anticipating
the rest of my life, unstoppable.