When I tell
my story
(which is to say when I tell anystory,
actually), and particularly when I live as if I'm
my story
(which is to say when I live without distinguishing I'm
notmy story),
it appears at first to afford me a certain freedom. It's more than that
actually. It's because
I've got a great
story,
it appears at first to afford me a lot of freedom - with
the emphasis both on "at first" and "a lot". Here's why:
Living as
my story
gives me something original and unique to talk about, something
original and unique to share, something often deemed
engaging and endearing in social situations.
But not so obviously, living as
my story
comes with two built in spoilers which unavoidably
prevent me from being
free.
They're the pitfalls of living as
my story,
if you will.
The second pitfall of living as
my story
is I need to tell
my story
over and over and over again in order to stay alive. Living as
my story,
I'm only alive as long as
my story
is being told (this is the very essence of a story, yes?). The critical
distinction here is living "as"my story:
living "as"
my story,
I'm only alive as long as
my story
is being told. Conversely, I'm not alive when
my storyisn't being told. When I live as if I'm
my story,
telling
my story
affords me a certain freedom in social situations. But at the same time
it's required if I'm going to stay alive. This is a
trap which mires me deep in survival. And being mired in
survival is the very antithesis of being
free.
My story
only has a finite length, yes? (clearly it only covers a finite number
of incidents in a finite period of time). So what about after the
story
ends? And by that I don't merely mean after I pause
telling
my story
yet have more of it left to tell. Neither do I mean when I get
through telling
my story
having told it all the way through to the end. I mean it more
literally than that. I mean when I simply cease living asmy story.
I mean when I stop identifying with
my story.
Then ... when I no longer live as
my story,
what (or who) do I live as? When I live as
my story,
I am
my story.
But after the
story
ends,
who am I?
This is the moment of
transformation.
This is the moment when I see I'm not
my story.
This is the moment when I stop identifying with
my story.
This is the moment when I no longer live as
my story.
This is the moment when I stop beingmy story,
and instead become the
context
for my life and for everything in my life includingmy story.
This is the moment when my life and everything in my life becomes
simply
contentshowing up
in the
context
of
who I really am.
And by the way, this also accounts for why there is (at least, at
first) a natural
resistance
to
transformation:
after
the story
ends with
transformation,
there's no longer anyplace left to lay blame.