Conversations For Transformation: Essays Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

Conversations For Transformation

Essays By Laurence Platt

Inspired By The Ideas Of Werner Erhard

And More

Moon On The Water

Frog's Leap, Rutherford, California, USA

March 12, 2010

This essay, Moon On The Water, is the fourth in a group of nine on Passion:

There's nothing timid about her.

Her sense of style, wardrobe, and the way she decorates communicate she lives her life like she means business  which is entirely appropriate given she's created, manages, and runs two successful businesses and developed a loyalty among the people who work with her which the human resources department of any self‑respecting Fortune 500  company would gladly die for.

She attaches no strings to the time I choose to spend with her. If I'm here with her and not somewhere else, it's clear I'm not present under any duress. No standing on ceremony is required here. There's no particular way for me to be or any role to play around her. If she has expectations I should be a certain way with her or play a particular role, she doesn't show it, let on, or say so. She's figured out expectations in a relationship usually spell trouble since it's a given people are only ever the way they are, and the only role they ever play ie all they ever do is what they do.

It takes a certain kind of big-heartedness to get this, a bigger kind of big-heartedness to allow for it ie to create space  for it to be, and an even bigger kind of big‑heartedness to actually enjoy having it around.

One of the axioms  of having life work is paying attention to what's wanted and needed. It's pretty basic, really, and it's very effective. It's the squeaky wheel which gets the grease  so to speak. When it comes to my friends, I like to think they don't need  me - not because of any aspirations to independence on my part, but rather because needing simply gets in the way. Transformation is almost synonymous with the experiences of wholeness and completion. If I'm going to choose to be in transformed relationships, while it may be OK with me for someone to want  to be around me, I don't envision fulfillment for anyone who needs  to be around me. Generally speaking, people who experience wholeness and completion in their own lives are less likely to need  to be around others ... AND  ... they may want  to. This distinction is subtle yet profound. It's pivotal in fact.

This is exactly where she shows up for me: wanting to yet not needing to. When it comes to evaluating where I'm going to invest my capital in relationships, this is the  essential catalyst for getting and keeping my attention. It represents the difference between being around someone who can distinguish  their own machinery (extraordinary) and being around someone who's run by  their own machinery (high maintenance).

Given this transformed background for being related, there's the possibility of a sublime freedom for love playing with her. In being sure of my own masculinity, in being uncomplicated about my own maleness  I can afford to be submissive with her in the safe, respectful space she generates. I have no desire or manifest tendency to dominate  her. In fact, the freedom not to  is seductive, erotic.

Whatever thrown-ness I may have to be macho  (so to speak) is vanquished in the naturalness she brings to bear. It's OK with me to be given to, to receive. That's not a rule  mind you. It's OK with me to give also. It's just that there's no hard line  between these roles as there can be when I've been thrown to do one or the other but not both. So there's the possibility of coming from  ecstasy with her rather than trying to attain  ecstasy - which, by the way, is the basis of an idea I have for rewriting the Kama Sutra.

"God has a very big heart" Nikos Kazantzakis tells us through his larger than life protagonist Zorba The Greek. "But" he adds "there is one sin he will not forget: if a woman calls a man to her bed and he won't go.". I've always liked this quote of Nikos, ever since the great Anthony Quinn immortally uttered it portraying Zorba in Michael Cacoyannis' movie. I like what it says about God and passion. And even though I don't require the context of sin  in this respect, there's something wonderfully outspoken, something attractively sure, something magnetically confident about a woman who's got the balls to call a man to her bed. When she calls me to her bed, I may go and I may not. And either way, she makes no issue of it. She's willing to make unreasonable requests, and she's willing to be with the results of her unreasonable requests whichever way they go, whatever they are.

And if she does call me to her bed and I do go, it's sheer pleasure to lie with her running my fingertips down her moist spine, the scent of oaks and pines blending with salt sea air drifting in through the open window while down below beyond the breakers, the reflection of the moon on the water.

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