Her sense of style, wardrobe, and the way she decorates communicate she
lives her life like she means business which is entirely
appropriate given she's created, manages, and runs two successful
businesses and developed a loyalty among the people who work with her
which the human resources department of any
self‑respecting
Fortune 500 company would gladly die for.
She attaches no strings to the time I choose to spend with her. If I'm
here with her and not somewhere else, it's clear I'm not
present
under any duress. No standing on ceremony is required here. There's no
particular way for me to be or any role to play around her. If she has
expectations I should be a certain way with her or play a particular
role, she doesn't show it, let on, or say so. She's figured out
expectations in a relationship usually spell trouble since it's a given
people are only ever the way they are, and the only role they ever play
ie all they ever do is what they do.
It takes a certain kind of big-heartedness to get this, a bigger kind
of big-heartedness to allow for it ie to create space for
it to be, and an even bigger kind of big‑heartedness to actually
enjoy having it around.
One of the axioms of having
life work
is paying
attention
to what's wanted and needed. It's pretty basic, really, and it's very
effective. It's the squeaky wheel which gets the grease so
to speak. When it comes to my friends, I like to think they don't
need me - not because of any aspirations to independence
on my part, but rather because needing simply gets in the way.
Transformation
is almost synonymous with the experiences of wholeness and completion.
If I'm going to choose to be in
transformed
relationships,
while it may be OK with me for someone to want to be
around me, I don't envision fulfillment for anyone who
needs to be around me. Generally speaking, people who
experience wholeness and completion in their own lives are less likely
to need to be around others ... AND ... they
may want to. This distinction is subtle yet profound.
It's pivotal in fact.
This is exactly where she
shows up
for me: wanting to yet not needing to. When it comes to evaluating
where I'm going to invest my capital in relationships, this is
the essential
catalyst
for getting and keeping my
attention.
It represents the difference between being around someone who can
distinguish their own
machinery
(extraordinary) and being around someone who's run by
their own
machinery
(high maintenance).
Given this
transformedbackground
for being related, there's the possibility of a sublime
freedom
for love playing with her. In being sure of my own masculinity, in
being uncomplicated about my own maleness I can afford to
be submissive with her in the safe, respectful space she generates. I
have no desire or manifest tendency to dominate her. In
fact, the freedom not to is seductive,
erotic.
Whatever thrown-ness I may have to be macho (so to
speak) is vanquished in the naturalness she brings to bear. It's OK
with me to be given to, to receive. That's not a
rule mind you. It's OK with me to give also. It's just
that there's no hard line between these roles as there can
be when I've been thrown to do one or the other but not both. So
there's the possibility of coming from ecstasy with her
rather than trying to attain ecstasy - which, by the way,
is the basis of an idea I have for rewriting the Kama Sutra.
"God
has a very big heart" Nikos Kazantzakis tells us through his larger
than life protagonist Zorba The Greek. "But" he adds "there is
one sin he will not forget: if a woman calls a man to her bed and he
won't go.". I've always liked this quote of Nikos, ever since the great
Anthony Quinn immortally uttered it portraying Zorba in Michael
Cacoyannis' movie. I like what it says about
God
and
passion.
And even though I don't require the
context
of sin in this respect, there's something wonderfully
outspoken, something attractively sure, something magnetically
confident about a woman who's got the balls to call a man to her
bed. When she calls me to her bed, I may go and I may not.
And either way, she makes no issue of it. She's willing to make
unreasonable requests, and she's willing to be with the results of her
unreasonable requests whichever way they go, whatever they are.
And if she does call me to her bed and I do go, it's sheer pleasure to
lie with her running my fingertips down her moist spine, the scent of
oaks and pines blending with salt sea air drifting in through the open
window while down below beyond the breakers, the
reflection
of the moon on the water.