"SO WUT"
... personalized California license plate on a dark chocolate
brown 1972
Mercedes-Benz
450SEL sedan owned by
Werner Erhard
("SO WHAT" was taken)
"You've got to get to the stage in life where going for it is more
important than winning or losing."
... Arthur Ashe
This essay,
So What Revisited: The Implement,
is the ninth in a group of ten written on
New Year's Day:
I am indebted to Laurel Scheaf and to James "Jim" Tsutsui who inspired
this conversation, and to Charles "Raz" Ingrasci and to Jack Rafferty
who contributed material.
Of all the people I've ever known, she was one (arguably
the one) who could stop me in my tracks whenever I lapsed,
unwittingly, into
playing
small and petulant, which back in those days was far more often than I
care to admit. She, more than anyone else I knew, could do that to me /
for me. Others weighed in and tried. But no one else had as powerful a
way of confrontating people as she did, especially people who were
playing
small (and predictably, as is our wont to be, were defensive about it
and justified it). Everyone else had access to the same
tools
as she did, which were
speaking
and listening in conversation. But it was her particular
linguistic implement of
choice
(if you will) which got me - each and every time. It was her way of
saying "So what?!" which stopped me in my tracks. She said
it whenever it was appropriate (I see that now) which was often. I
began to expect it.
Around her,
I was always ready for it ... yet I was never quite prepared for it
when it came.
A typical exchange (featuring her as the manager and me as a team
member) would go something like this: "What you did, didn't work,
Laurence.".
"I'm sorry,
but I'm tired.". "So what?!" ... or: "You didn't do what you said you
would do,
Laurence.".
"I'm sorry,
but I did do 90% of what I said i would do.". "So what?!"
... or: "You're
late,
Laurence.".
"I'm sorry,
but the traffic was backed up for miles.". "So what?!" (it was the
latter one and others like it, which were particularly galling for me,
as they were the ones which I was certain were legitimate excuses). Her
"So what?!" was a
Zen
master's
whack!
It wasn't only me at whom she waved that "So what?!" sword with such
uncanny accuracy. It was anyone
around her
who settled for less, made luke-warm excuses, and in so doing skirted
the opportunity to
playbig,
instead serving up
business as
usual
smallness. "I believe things don't work because we're all sinful
human beings" I once heard someone of a certain
religious persuasion
argue with her, "so we're imperfect, and that's why we fail.". "So
what?!" she said compassionately (and right on cue too, I thought). It
was very confronting, especially for people who held
strong beliefs. But by now, having been on the receiving end myself on
more than a few occasions, I had slowly (very slowly) begun to see the
value in what she was revealing, and I became intrigued to see if
others would see it too.
"When I make mistakes, I
pray
to
God
to make me better. I may err from time to time, but it's
God
who saves me" ... and: "So what?!" she said. It was yanking out the
carpet from under the feet of our most cherished beliefs and excuses,
leaving us with nothing less (and nothing more) than who we might
be, with which she was so facile. It was something I hated her for
earlier on (especially when it was directed at me), then grew to love
her for, once I fully realized what she was showing me.
It's
playing
small, making excuses, justifying them, and being petulant about it
that's easy. They're our go-to responses when our not
playingbig
impacts everyone, especially people who depend on us to produce a
promised result. It's
playingbig
that comes only as an act of intention, of
commitment,
as an act of stepping out onto the court, and going beyond what's
reasonable (and what's familiar and comfortable). Her "So what?!"
created an immediate opportunity in which lapsing into smallness and
petulance didn't have to be the norm. Her "So what?!", wielded like an
implement, tapped people to
step up
and
playbig,
to leave their excuses behind. And once she'd wielded her "So what?!"
like that, she stepped back, keeping the space open, leaving it up to
us to stay small ... or
step up
(anyone so tapped, found themselves on the brink of that daunting
precipice). After considering, people did give up
playing
small
around her.
Ordinary human beings became giants
around her.
As I said, I hated her for it earlier on when she pointed that sword at
me. Then I grew to love her for it, once I realized what she was
offering. She was
brilliant
at it.