"I don't believe in what I'm
doing
at all.
I have absolutely no belief
in what I'm doing.
I already know how it's going to turn out. The way it turns out is
fait accompli. I mean there's nothing I can do about the way it
turns out. I know exactly how it's going to turn out. You know, it's
going to turn out exactly like it turns out. It's been doing that for
eons. So you say 'But then
Werner:
what's your motive? What are you working all those hours for?'. I'm
not motivated. There isn't any motive. There's no damn
vision motivating me. You know, if I stopped doing it
tomorrow, it wouldn't make a damn bit of difference. And if I keep
doing it right to the end, it won't make any difference. The only
thing that's going to happen is what happens. But that doesn't fit
into our
structure.
That doesn't fit into our categories."
...
responding to an assertion that he believes in what he's
doing because he's motivated by a vision
This essay,
That Doesn't Fit Into Our Categories,
was written at the same time as
Arguably the most important aspect of
the work of
transformation
(which is to say: arguably the most important aspect of
the work required to bring
about a transformation
in our experience of who we really are) calls for the courage to look
unflinchingly
at all the systems, beliefs, concepts,
structure,
and categories we've already put in place. In
this work,
we challenge
our structure,
our categories, scrutinize them, put them to the test of
rigor,
then look at them newly, and then ask: did we assemble them in the
first place so that they're an accurate match for / congruent with
what's real and what's true (don't lie about it) or do they discredit
what's real and what's true? Or did we assemble them simply in defense
of our image of who we think we are, in order to protect our
anxious egos
and already-worldviews?
Without taking
this work
on like a commitment to speak / generate transformation, there's no
transformation. If we approach it as a merely interesting conversation
about transformation, we're likely to discredit any
transformed distinction it brings forth, if it doesn't fit into our
categories. And look: we'll do that automatically (it's a
mechanism)
without realizing that's what keeps us stuck in the conditions we're
already in. Speaking about transformation from our
already-categories, disallows transformation like a possibility.
And we human beings are thrown to speak about. A lot.
The trouble
is authentic transformation doesn't come forth from that realm.
What happens, happens. What doesn't happen, doesn't happen. We do what
we do, and that's all we do, and we don't do what we don't
do. Yet
our structures
/ categories don't allow that to fit - as patently obvious as it is.
Without a transformed context enlivened, the power and simplicity of
doing what we do simply because it's what we do (that's
really the
Zen
of it all - if you will) is overlooked. It's not that the idea itself
is incomprehensible. It's that it doesn't fit into what we've already
decided is real and true. It's an idea that doesn't fit into our
already-categories. And because it doesn't fit, we give it no
credibility. Indeed, we discredit it outright.
As another example, we have (for the most part) already decided that
who we are, is
in here
(I'm pointing at my head), that who we are, is somehow
inside
our bodies. Yet a generated, transformed context reveals something
else, something remarkable, something astonishing: that all there is
in here
is
machinery embedded in
hamburger,
and who we really are (on the other hand) is
out-here
(I'm spreading my arms open wide to embrace all this). The idea itself
isn't incomprehensible. Wise men of all persuasions have known about it
for centuries. But that doesn't fit into our categories - therefore we
overlook it, if not reject it out of hand and discredit it.
We are (for the most part) convinced that there's
a secret to life,
something which when discovered / gotten, will explain all this,
justify it, give it
meaning
- indeed, we are (for the most part) convinced that there's
a meaning to it all
which we've yet to discover. What doesn't fit into our categories is
that there's no
secret,
that
there's nothing to get,
and that there's no
meaning
(it's all
empty and
meaningless).
If you're telling the truth
unflinchingly,
it becomes apparent that without examining the categories themselves in
which we (both knowingly and unknowingly) keep everything we hold as
real and true,
we've sentenced ourselves
to only knowing what we already know / understand, and to being the
ways we've always been, in a manner that only allows for the
perpetuation of the same quality of life we've always had.
