Whenever I'm near him, he's preoccupied - you know, he's never really
is always on something else. But I know it isn't on anything specific.
It's more like he's holding back, more like he's not
participating fully in Life even though he walks and talks and
functions as if he is. He never really lives
his life. Yes he exists, that's for sure. But lives? No, not
really. And even when he does on occasion appear to actually live his
life, whatever it is he's doing really isn't living his
life. What he's doing is acting out a dress rehearsal for
his life, a practice for his life, a dummy run of his
life. He's expecting someone or some-thing to come along
and ... well ... save him from being responsible for his
life. He thinks until this happens, his real life hasn't
yet started ie what he's living now is just its beta
So he's postponing starting his real life until this someone or
something comes along and takes care of things for him. He's still
tenderly naïve. The only causal relationship he has with what he
wants is he wants it. He hasn't yet figured out wanting whatever
he wants isn't enough to get him what he wants (as
may have said). He says what he wants, yet he never follows through
taking action to get what he wants. As a baby, he learned what babies
learn: cry loudly when you want food, and you'll get fed. As an adult,
he still operates in this now outdated (and quaint) paradigm.
He's waiting for
(or Godot as Samuel Beckett may have said) to come and
provide him with what he wants. And if indeed he's waiting for Godot,
then he could be playing either the Vladimir or the Estragon of the
piece - I can't determine which. Even if it lands right at his
feet, he doesn't pick up the ball and run with it. He's waiting for
a better time to come (in other
he's waiting for
...") before he'll make any moves which stake a claim to his own future.
In many of our conversations I ask him to consider the possibility
already come. I suggest the fact he's alive
also already blessed him and completely empowered him. I
wants him to do now is go out into the world with this blessing his
life is, and live it - fully and abundantly. But whenever I suggest
this to him, a blank stare crosses his face, and I never
know whether he can't get what I'm suggesting or whether
he won't get what I'm suggesting. He says he prefers to
get all the directives for his life from
and his church. I suggest he invite
and his church to participate with him in
Werner Erhard's programs.
In the movies, when all is lost, when the settlers are about to be
massacred by the bad guys, there's the sound of a trumpet and
hooves approaching. The cavalry's coming! The lead rider comes into
view holding high the Stars and Stripes, the United States flag
billowing beautifully. Yaaay (everybody cheer). The bad
guys are vanquished. Yaaay. The settlers are saved.
Yaaay. Yaaay. Yaaay.
Real Life isn't a movie. It's not a beta version either. In real Life,
the cavalry's not coming. Having
most mysterious, most magnificent, most brilliant
disappearing into it
Realizing this (contrary to what happens in the movies) is the
opportunity to take charge of your own life. It's the opportunity to
start really living.