Look:
the
idea
that we don't
think,
is tough to
get.
To the contrary: that we
think,
is a given, yes? Lend an ear in any coffee shop,
speakeasy,
or around the office
water
cooler, and notice how the very fabric of our
day
to
day
conversations
is peppered with "I
think
..." this, and "I
think
..." that. Yet we don't
think
it. It
thinks
us. How can that be? Actually I'm not very
big
on
"How?" questions.
I'm
asking
it rhetorically. The postulate itself however, can be
tested.
Here's the
test:
stop
thinking.
That's an
easy
one. If you're the one who's
thinking,
then you should be able to
stop
thinking,
yes? Try it. You can't. It's automatic. She was right. You don't
think
it. It
thinks
you. Notice that doesn't change anything. There are
still
thoughts
- just as there always have been, just as there always will be.
But it does give two
new
foci.
The first is my
relationship
with
thoughts
and
thinking:
I no longer
think
thoughts:
I have
thoughts.
The second (more importantly) is: if that's not me
thinking
all those
thoughts,
then
who am I
exactly? This
question
allows for a
new
distinction
of
who I really am
if I'm not my
thoughts
ie if I'm not the one who's
thinking.
The
new
distinction
is: I am the space in which all my
thoughts
and
thinking
occur. I am not my
thoughts:
I have
thoughts;
I am not my
thinking:
there is
thinking
ie I don't think (QED). The search for
peace
of
mind
(often articulated as the search for
inner
peace)
is resolved. And
look:
it's not resolved over
time
by
technique,
by
discipline,
by
practice,
or by
therapy.
It's resolved now, by
distinction.
Really.
"So ..." I
said
to myself, "that's the quality she embodies" - which I
could always sense (it was unmistakable) yet could never articulate
or put a
finger
on. She was
peaceful,
she was
quiet,
she was
still,
she was ponderous
still
... and yet she was
powerful,
she was certain, she was (in a
word)
present (the mixture was somewhat disconcerting). She
had a profound impact on
my life.
Thanks to her, I
stopped
being
analytical. I relinquished my conviction that I was a
"thinker"
(with apologies to François Auguste René Rodin) ie
that I am the one
thinking.
Rather it ... is always
thinking,
and I ...
contextualize
it. So
peaceful.
So
quiet.
So
still.
So ponderous
still.
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