|"Love is granting another the space to be the way they are and the way they aren't so they can change if they want to and they don't have to." ...|
"Maybe, just maybe, of all the quotes ever uttered about love, this one of Werner's is the essential one." ... Laurence Platt
With all that said, what can possibly be written about transformed love which points to the experience, rather than merely providing a distracting, clever explanation of it, or (worse) a how-to help tutorial ie a substitute?
It's often touted in all our "self-help" folk lore, that before you can really love another, you have to be able to (quote unquote) love yourself. Frankly that's waaay too bon-mot-ish for me. It's just too ... well ... loose (no rigor). Because of that, it's likely to become ego-contaminated (if you will). What works better, I say, is this: before you can love another (ie before you can really love another), you have to be 100% OK with yourself - which is to say you have to be 100% OK with who you really are. That's the springboard to real love. It's in the being of "being 100% OK with who I really am", that it becomes possible for me to really love you. "Loving myself" as a prerequisite to really loving you, might sound good. But it's not a graduate distinction.
There's one kind of possibility that arises when I love someone because they (quote unquote) "complete me", a classic line which is voiced in a few romantic movies I've watched. Another kind, transformation, reveals my being already complete. What's possible for love when I being already complete, experience you being already complete? That's an entirely new order of love, one in which you and I don't depend on each other to be complete. This kind of love is "granting each other the space to be the way we are and the way we aren't so we can change if we want to and we don't have to". It's the possibility whence real love comes. Look: it's so obvious when you inquire honestly into it: of course it's whence real love comes. We've simply been too tied up by our preconceptions of real love, to see the truth about it.
Of all you could do to get complete, consider just standing in a space where you're already complete. Man! That would be something: a space where there's nothing to get, where this is "IT", where you're OK with who you really are. That's the space where real love shows up (it's the only space in which real love can show up).
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